i remember..

    i remember when i had too much love to give but no one would accept it. i remember when i ran down the road naked when i was 2 with my cousin. i remember wishing i could do it again but getting caught. i remember when all i could do at the beach was play in the sand because the water was too deep. i remember stealing mail from people's mailboxes thinking it was free. i remember getting sent to my room while everyone else got to have fun. i remember looking through a telescope at the stars as a kid wondering what else is out there. i remember still wondering that every time i look up at the stars. i remember that kissing you was like sandpaper. i remember that i wanted to throw up after. i remember being chased during recess by boys.

     i remember when my grandpa died. i remember it being the toughest on me cause i was the closest to him. i remember when i found a e-cig in my sister's drawer. i remember not knowing what it was till my brother sucked it in. i remember when i was self conscious when i danced. i remember when i went to my first concert. i remember it being the neighborhood. i remember when i had to say bye to my best friend for 2 years. i remember crying myself to sleep. a lot. i remember when stake dances were cool. i remember them still being cool to me.

     i remember when my little brother put my hands around his throat pleading with me to kill him. i remember when social media didn't affect every aspect of my life. i remember feeling free. i remember when i didn't have to worry about what my life will be like after high school. i remember that my birthday was my favorite holiday because people paid attention to me. i remember that now its not because people pay attention to me. i remember when getting messy was a daily task that wouldn't be forgotten. i remember that looking up at the sky finding animals was my favorite thing to do in elementary school.

    

     i remember when depression didn't affect the ones that i love the most. i remember flying first class all alone. i remember it being the scariest thing ever. i remember when life was simpler. i remember when i didn't have to impress anyone but myself. i remember when i thought i was a rebel for saying a swear word. i remember when i had a bear named after my brother's friend who i had a crush on. i remember when being popular was the only thing constant on my mind. i remember when you changed that.