Hello, I'm here.

Have you ever walked into a classroom and nobody sees you. They don't aknowledge your existence just simply stare at there smart phones and take selfies to send to their friends. I always just want to yell hello, I'm here. I feel like this happens a lot. In the halls, in the classrooms, in the bathrooms. it's like nobody sees me, but they really do. They just choose not to speak up and say hi. I blame it on the fact that my zodiac sign says I'm intimidating but when I face reality head on its a completely different story. They are too attached to their current friend group to say hi to me walking past while I'm alone. 

and it's not just me its that boy who makes odd comments in chemistry class, it's the girl who blurts out exactly what she thinks because she doesn't have a filter in seminary. 

There are people out there who just simply need a hello👋🏻 to brighten up there day. They just need a smile to know that someone out there sees them. 

There are times that I have been the person who walks down the hall trying to avoid eye contact because I don't know the person I'm passing in the halls. But wouldn't you rather be the person that smiled then the person that didn't smile back. Well I would. 

And the heck with thinking your too cool because we're all weird in our own ways. High school is filled with jocks and cheerleaders who think they're too cool. But the real cool ones that we need more of are the people who don't care about another's status to say hi to them and befriend them. 

This is for the Ben Clarks, the Hannah Eliesens, the Alyssa Wildes, and the Mikelle Dimonds who made my high school experience amazing, they are the ones I will always remember. 

The music box

I used to dance around my room to the music of a music box. It was that one song from the titanic and it made me feel like I was a princess. Life was much simpler then. I had absolutely no worries but sooner or later I was bound to growing up. And that's exactly what I did.  Graduation is in 21 days. 21 days. 2-1 days. It scares the living hell out of me. And the thing is I don't have to worry about college or anything for another couple of years. But what comes after high school is a completely different world. I don't like change, I never did. But at the same time I'm more than ready to get out of this place and experience things that I have never experienced before. Meet people I've never seen before. Go places I've never been before. After graduation life is gonna change, it could be for the better or not, it all depends on me. Take me back to when I was five years old dancing to the Titanic cause life has changed since then.

Pen names are lame so...

This is me 

i remember..

    i remember when i had too much love to give but no one would accept it. i remember when i ran down the road naked when i was 2 with my cousin. i remember wishing i could do it again but getting caught. i remember when all i could do at the beach was play in the sand because the water was too deep. i remember stealing mail from people's mailboxes thinking it was free. i remember getting sent to my room while everyone else got to have fun. i remember looking through a telescope at the stars as a kid wondering what else is out there. i remember still wondering that every time i look up at the stars. i remember that kissing you was like sandpaper. i remember that i wanted to throw up after. i remember being chased during recess by boys.

     i remember when my grandpa died. i remember it being the toughest on me cause i was the closest to him. i remember when i found a e-cig in my sister's drawer. i remember not knowing what it was till my brother sucked it in. i remember when i was self conscious when i danced. i remember when i went to my first concert. i remember it being the neighborhood. i remember when i had to say bye to my best friend for 2 years. i remember crying myself to sleep. a lot. i remember when stake dances were cool. i remember them still being cool to me.

     i remember when my little brother put my hands around his throat pleading with me to kill him. i remember when social media didn't affect every aspect of my life. i remember feeling free. i remember when i didn't have to worry about what my life will be like after high school. i remember that my birthday was my favorite holiday because people paid attention to me. i remember that now its not because people pay attention to me. i remember when getting messy was a daily task that wouldn't be forgotten. i remember that looking up at the sky finding animals was my favorite thing to do in elementary school.

    

     i remember when depression didn't affect the ones that i love the most. i remember flying first class all alone. i remember it being the scariest thing ever. i remember when life was simpler. i remember when i didn't have to impress anyone but myself. i remember when i thought i was a rebel for saying a swear word. i remember when i had a bear named after my brother's friend who i had a crush on. i remember when being popular was the only thing constant on my mind. i remember when you changed that. 

To: High School From: Canyon

Man, High School. Why you so lame?
I thought you were going to be the time of my life but life has passed and all I'm left with is an empty bottle and loneliness.
You weren't meant to be this way.
full of sorrow, guilt and regret.
and I'm only 18.
My parent's think I have everything in check but I have no clue what I am doing.
I think I've changed from the girl I used to be.
And I miss her. Alot.
She was funny and loud.
She was one for the crowd.
But I'm on fast-forward heading for adulthood and sadly, I have to leave her behind.
and I'm only 18.
Another year rounding and sooner or later you'll be over.
But I'm not ready for that.
I'm not ready for the bills and meals.
I'm not ready for the gas and tax.
Just stay a little longer, please.
Just go a little slower, please.
Cause maybe I can change your fate.
I can be more out of this world and care-free.
I'm guessing it's bout time I be.
Cause I'm only 18 and life is ahead of me.

Broke

I broke my heart loving you.

But that was what you were meant to do.

mistakes, and regrets are passing through.

The only thing in my heart is you.

Get out now, Damn it.

Because I can't handle caring for a broken love anymore. 

I'm done being at war. 

I was once the face that you'd adore.

What changed?

Or was I just a toy.

I wanted you always and you wanted me then.

A one sided romance, beginning to end.

You ran far away, I begged you to stay.

You tore me apart, leaving me with a broken heart.

People always say keep your head up, and heart strong.

But I can't help thinking this is where you belong.

Wanderlust

My name is Canyon, 

                                Canyon Mount.

I love the Canyon. But I guess you probably could've guessed that cause it's literally written in my name. I love the pine trees, the sound of the creek rushing by on its way to new places. I love the break I get from the crazy world around me when I go in nature. No service, No agenda just the chance to get away and take an adventure. I love the different seasons and how they completely match my mood when I'm in nature. I love the fresh air that I take in that makes me recognize the pure beauty that surrounds me. I wish I was better at telling people how I really feel. Expecially about this.

When I'm in nature there's always that moment where the world freezes and I have absolutely no care in the world. I don't have to worry about college or the fight I just had with my parents. But sooner or later life will be over because life doesn't freeze its on fast forward.

Nature is the grasshoppers clicking in the dry air. It's the silver-white moon hanging in glory. It's watching the horizon drain of color. Nature is when I'm alone and I think and think and think. Nature is my daily therapy session. Nature isn't just a place to visit. It's home.

                       ITS MY HOME.